Muttley & Guests - The 15 Minutes Of Fame Mix Series (2008 Edition)

Nov 22, 2008

  1. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    Easy all :smil:

    Back in the July of 2006 I decided to begin a mix series dedicated to underexposed artists, and their assorted enterprises. Still entitled as such, "15 Minutes Of Fame" has gone on to accumulate over 15000 downloads since its inception. Through the link underneath this text you will find folders to all of the featured sets plus much more related to my music exposure projects:

    http://muttley.kapsil.net

    And below that is an updated blog on the series, complete with the guidelines for onlookers and DJs alike to adhere to:

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    1. Up to 40 minutes in length

    2. No more than 10 tracks

    3. Unsigned and signed tracks can feature

    4. All genres can be covered where applicable

    5. All tracks mixed in key where possible

    6. The aim of each mix should be to promote the artists featured, not the skills of the DJ.

    7. Any means of mixing are acceptable, live or programmed, but state what you used.

    8. Each set-list will include as much information about the tracks and artists as possible in order to act as a highly informative resource for the listener. External links - for example myspace pages, other selected tracks, music reviews and more can be implemented as you see fit, providing they will be deemed as relevant for the audience to use.

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    Disclaimers


    1. Gaps between mixes may vary for several reasons. There is no set time for each new set to pop up.

    2. I'm not a mixing robot. And because I realise this, I can attest that, as a contributor you don't have to be. There will be no egos. Just good music, first and foremost.

    3. Nonetheless, this doesn't mean the contributors will want to be shielded from constructive criticism. I certainly don't, rest assured. If you can spare a few words here and there, then please do. Because as far as I see, feedback is the only way a mini-movement of selectors can move forward and better themselves proactively.


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    Finally, if you're reading this text and wondering how you as an artist can possibly see your music featured, or if you'd like to contribute a set, here's the lowdown...

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    Submitting tracks and mixes


    To do this you can:

    1. Send me a private message through whatever forum this text is posted on.

    2. Contact me via email at: [email protected]

    3. Post in threads such as the one you may be reading right now.


    Your mix will receive a permanent home on the muttley.kapsil.net server, be supported on whatever forums DE visits, and be archived with a wealth of source material for present and future enjoyment.

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    '15 Minutes OF Fame' was partly inspired by the Subvert Central Podcasts, a series which holds parallels in terms of welcoming diversity in the selections presented. Seeing as this concept is now well and truly off the ground it appeared the ideal time for me to align it with another of similar mindset, and enable the spreading of this small internet project further than originally intended. Special thanks go to Ben Subvert (aka Scope) for accepting my request for conjoining the projects under one recognisable banner. I envisage good things will come from this partnership.


    Thanks to everyone for their continued support on the forums about this series. It's truly appreciated and makes it all seem worth investing time in. :smile:

    Bests, and many thanks for reading
    Muttley
  2. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
  3. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    ESB - Saturday Night 7' Single Session

    01 - Blunderbuss - Black Stump & Crooked Mick - Homestead

    http://www.discogs.com/release/789134

    02 - Treepeople - Making The D - Battery

    http://www.discogs.com/artist/Treepeople

    03 - Arcwelder - Raleigh - Touch & Go

    http://www.discogs.com/release/425704

    04 - Sandy Duncan's Eye - Sub - Flipside

    http://www.discogs.com/artist/Sandy Duncan's Eye

    05 - Dinosaur Jr. - Chunks - Sst

    http://www.discogs.com/release/1217831

    06 - Breadwinner - Untitled - Merge

    http://www.discogs.com/artist/Breadwinner

    07 - Tar - Static - Touch & Go

    http://www.discogs.com/release/368068

    08 - Brainiac - Simon Says - Limited Potential

    http://www.discogs.com/artist/Brainiac

    09 - Stereolab - Tempter - Sub-Pop

    http://www.discogs.com/release/672814

    10 - Broadcast - Living Room - Duophonic (played at the wrong speed :smile: )

    http://www.discogs.com/release/310879

    11 - Tortoise - Why We Fight - Soul Static Sound

    http://www.discogs.com/release/128501


    Download
  4. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    [​IMG]

    Download

    "Something To Believe In" is my ode to a detached state I encountered this summer; where numbess did not subside readily, and I was sedated by intrinsic coping techniques. It's a by-product of an alliance that broke down; one that ticked a lot of boxes for how relationships evolve, and how and when to let go. As a chance to make amends, meaning that I will never make the same mistakes again, I decided to reach into my collection of ambient recordings, matching up music in juxtapositions of literary peace with another. As such, the tunes selected are small revelations in themselves. The progression is representative of what marks as an arrow to level-headed plains for me. Part 5 of my 15 Minutes Of Fame mix series, I have Macc to thank for his excellent mastering job, and cordani for the first rate artwork. Big ups, guys.


    Related links:

    The "15 Minutes Of Fame" mix series manifesto

    Subvert Central Mastering

    est00.com


    Mixed with 2 Pioneer CDJs, 1 Ecler Nuo3 mixer & Cubase SX 3.


    Any feedback much appreciated. :smil:
  5. Deadly Habit Deadly Rabbit

    Deadly Habit
    24,377 posts
    Since Feb 28, 2005
    ooh gonna have to do a new one for ya next day off i have
    :slayer:
  6. khoma

    khoma
    25,634 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    already started on mine :biggrin:
  7. Discography NVious

    Discography
    10,847 posts
    Since Apr 19, 2004
    Excellent. This will be good.
  8. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
  9. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
  10. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    My primer for 15 Minutes Of Fame, "Last Dawn Before Meltdown", can be downloaded here.


    The tracklist:

    01. Greg Haines - Submergence (from the album "Slumber Tides" - MIASMAH)
    02. Sigur Ros - Sigur 3 (from the album () - Fat Cat)
    03. Greg Haines - Tired Diary (Revised) (from the album "Slumber Tides" - MIASMAH)
    04. Oren Ambarchi - Trailing Moss In The Mystic Glow (from the album "In The Pendulum's Embrace" - Touch)
    05. Grouper - Way Their Crept (from the album "Way Their Crept" - Type)
    06. Grouper - Where It Goes (from the album "Way Their Crept" - Type)
    07. Quosp - Quosp (from the album "Soundscapes 1" - U-Cover)
    08. Library Tapes - Noslipos (from the album "Hostluft" - Make Mine Music)
    09. Vaccine - Atrium (2007 free download - www.cov-ops.co.uk)
    10. Brian Mcbride - Our Last Moment In Song (from the album "When The Detail Lost Its Freedom" - Kranky)
    11. Chris Watson & BJ Nilsen - Austvegr (from the album "Storm" - Touch)
    12. Zelienople - Moss Man (from the album "His/Hers" - Type)
    13. Polska - Spawntain (from the album "On The Lam" - Make:Shift)
    14. A Silver Mount Zion - There's A River In The Valley Made Of Melting Snow (from the "Pretty Little Lightning Paw" EP - Constellation)
  11. Statto

    Statto
    8,548 posts
    Since Jul 8, 2002
    some nice tunes there

    :twothumbs:
  12. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    Unlimited kudos to Statto for his feedback.

    :love:
  13. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    From lowlightmixes.blogspot.com

    [​IMG]

    Download
  14. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    [​IMG]

    Download

    You can try burning a candle at both ends, but then the flame won't be eternal. "Back To Dangerous" depicts a stage where refraining from temptation is the safest route. A woman I once had an online friendship with, I lost to confusion, mistakes and letting my heart rule my head. I miss my old talks with her so much, but understand that if I contact her again, words could cut too deep. I can instead make a toast to Macc and cordani for their efforts on this file, and for anyone suffering hardships with your lover or friends, I hope it gives you soul food not too close for comfort. Listen in evening hours for full effect.


    Related links

    SC Mastering

    est00.com


    Mixed in Cubase SX3.

    Any feedback much appreciated. :smil:
  15. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    [​IMG]

    Download
  16. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    For stockists & info of each track in "Back To Dangerous", see below:


    [​IMG]


    Joel Hinkle - As The Flesh Departs



    Lopus - Cloud


    Robin Guthrie & Harold Budd - After The Night Falls


    "Before The Day Breaks", its companion piece can be downloaded here.


    Hildur Gudanottir, BJ Nilsen & Stillupsteypa - Second Childhood: Mp3 release


    Zelienople - Pajama Avenue


    [​IMG]

    Purchase: CD release

    Download: Mp3 release


    Repetition / Distract - Peripheral Geometries EP


    [​IMG]

    Download


    Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven

    [​IMG]

    Download: Mp3 release


    Robert Haigh - Written On Water

    [​IMG]

    Purchase: CD release
  17. hipnotic

    hipnotic
    42,716 posts
    Since Dec 12, 2002
    is it just me being dense, or is that site completely lacking in audio previews?
  18. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    Click the "play" ( > ) icon underneath the picture :thumbup:
  19. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    [​IMG]

    Download

    "Forgive And Forget" is dedicated to my youngest grandmother, who peacefully slipped away from us in the early hours of 7th December 2008. You are forever loved, friend.

    The theme here is as the title says it. Notice a capitalisation of 'And' to bring more importance to what we're forgiving, and what's to be forgotten. My grandmother was able to do this for each one of us, and for that I am eternally grateful to her. Despite our family differences, and struggles thereof, we managed to resolve everything before she passed over. "Love's Theme" is joined with a one minute, respectful silence - it's what she wanted played at the end of her funeral - so it's added here as a memento piece.

    Each track contains piano, but in the midst of this are several permutations in atmosphere. I'd like to think it spells out sentimental moods for reflection on life: now; then. I hope you enjoy it.


    Related links

    est00.com

    SC Mastering

    For the Ambient lovers...


    Mixed in Cubase SX3.

    Any feedback much appreciated. :smil:
  20. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    Low Light - Antique Sunlight

    [​IMG]

    TRACKLIST:

    * 00:00 Milieu - antique sunlight
    * 05:00 Ryuichi Sakamoto - ropa
    * 10:00 Taylor Deupree & Kenneth Kirschner - may
    * 15:11 Library Tapes - fragment VIII
    * 18:30 Con Cetta - ker
    * 22:46 Jeanne Moreau - un entretien avec
    * 24:14 NIN - ghosts 11
    * 27:20 Kosik - lastly empty
    * 30:40 Goldmund - Threnody
    * 35:00 United Bible Studies - sea of rains
    * 35:46 end


    Download
  21. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    From hydrogencafe.blogspot.com

    [​IMG]


    Download: MP3


    Download: Art & Mix Score
  22. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    EHL (Warm Communications) - January 2009 Studio Mix

    [​IMG]

    "Kicking off a series of forthcoming studio mixes from the Warm Communications monthly mixes and or a possible monthly podcast! Here's the first installment! A mix of past present and future music! Hope you all enjoy!"

    40 minutes, 256kbps

    1] Instra:mental - The Chamber [Darkestral]
    -
    2] Martsman - Bluetone [Warm Communications]
    -
    3] Randomer - Crosscut [Unreleased]
    -
    4] Saburuko - Latency (Insight Remix) [Unreleased]
    -
    5] Nucleus & Paradox - Clint Van Cleef [Esoteric]
    -
    6] Polar - End Of The Story [Warm Communications]
    -
    7] Hi Lar - Back On Trip(LXC Remix) [Offshore]
    -
    8] Sintez - Follow Me [Unreleased]
    -
    9] Bop - Searching For The Truth [Unreleased]
    -
    10] Dissident - Closed Eye Film [Unreleased]


    Download
  23. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    [​IMG]


    Download


    "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie" is a continuation of the themes in my 15 Minutes Of Fame instalments so far. "Something To Believe In" was the letting go, "Back To Dangerous" the refraining from temptation to go back, "Forgive And Forget" self-explanatory, whereas this is an order to not open up old conversational wounds and mishaps. Opening track "Soulmates" sets the tone of the file, with the vocals "I think everyone's got another side to them when they're left alone" a precursor to the "Stories Of Solace In Miniature" investigations I have forthcoming.

    Crossing from a collage to compilation style, "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie" is augmented with depth via a metanarrative of deviation from the vocalists. Prologue piece "Doldrums" by The Ancients breaks swathes of Machinefabriek's droney ambience in two, with the lyric "when you're alone, the fires are gone". Superimposed next to Jessica Baliff & Annelies Monsere's "Shadow", we get swept up in a bittersweet tempest, the breathy exhortations curving audible language such as "the miles between" and "summons you" out of a heady slowcore brew.

    It's this blending that mirrors the peaks and troughs of a traditional relationship. Encapsulating a forlorn longing, "once upon a time it was you by the door" from Burial's "In McDonalds" highlights when I lost the woman I've spoke of in this saga. Back in October 2007, a friend she has online came into a web topic with the prompt "Tell Her", which ever since has shook me to the bones - whereby I believe I'm being watched over by herself and others.

    Indeed in comparison, I am advised to fill my life with extrinsic distractions. One day I hope I will be clear of this castration on my conscience. The woman meant the world to me when I was down and vulnerable, but the vulnerabiliity is ringing worse with how long the gap is from talking things through with her - as a sensitive human being. I've written out crumpled letters in my head for her, also on paper and wordpad documents - tried to explain my side of the bargain in the best means I could. The urge to contact is so strong, as if my life is incomplete without her knowing the full extent of how I really felt.

    Whatever the score, I have to keep pushing on. In this musical dialogue I settle for the "So long" messages of "Melon Yellow" by Slowdive - "it's just a way to love you", and country counterpoint, "I Couldn't Say It To Your Face" by Arthur Russell - "you won't be there to say I'm wrong". In transition of this impulse lies "Fuck Everything" from Zelienople's "Stone Academy"; "We went everywhere, every town" / "You've forced everything you don't want" / "They want everything you don't want" / "And when it rains outside I don't walk" / "Don't ever change" supplying a schizophrenic offset to the side effects of my stress-induced symptoms.

    More on those later. Today, I have Macc to thank for his mastering services, and cordani for providing the top class artwork once again. I hope you enjoy "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie". I've learnt to forgive and forget, now I must apply a milestone to moving on from the problems I have faced.


    Related links

    est00.com

    SC Mastering

    For the Ambient lovers...

    Mixed in Cubase SX3.
    Any feedback much appreciated. :smil:
  24. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    For more information and stockists of artists in "Forgive And Forget", see my relay of posts below:

    Eluvium

    Eluvium: MySpace

    Eluvium: Wikipedia

    "Copia": Purchase


    Robin Guthrie & Harold Budd - After The Night Falls

    [​IMG]

    Purchase: CD

    Robin Guthrie: wikipedia entry

    Robin Guthrie: MySpace


    Harold Budd: wikipedia entry

    Harold Budd: MySpace


    Mono - You Are There

    [​IMG]

    CD: Purchase


    NSI - NSI Plays Non Standards

    [​IMG]

    Purchase: Mp3 release


    Goldmund - The Malady Of Elegance

    [​IMG]

    Purchase: Mp3 release

    Type Records: website


    Robert Haigh - Written On Water

    [​IMG]


    Crouton 042: Purchase


    Peter Broderick - Float

    [​IMG]

    Purchase: Mp3 release

    Peter Broderick: MySpace


    Arovane - Lilies


    Download: eMusic


    The Love Unlimited Orchestra - Love's Theme

    Back To Back: The Love Unlimited Orchestra Greatest Hits
  25. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    For more information and stockists of each track in "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie", see my relay of posts below:

    L-r & Radiomentale - I Could Never Make That Music Again

    [​IMG]

    Purchase: Mp3 release

    Discogs: entry


    Sawako - Madoromi

    [​IMG]


    Sawako: MySpace

    Purchase: Mp3 release

    Download: Sawako on eMusic


    Burial - Untrue

    [​IMG]

    Purchase: Mp3 release

    Burial: MySpace

    Hyperdub.net: website


    Machinefabriek - Weeler

    [​IMG]

    Purchase: Mp3 release

    Machinefabriek: Official website

    Machinefabriek: MySpace


    Various Artists - Moteer Sampler 002

    [​IMG]

    Purchase: Mp3 release

    Moteer: MySpace


    Jessica Bailiff & Annelies Monsere - Untitled EP

    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Morc: Official website

    Annelies Monsere: MySpace

    Jessica Bailiff: MySpace


    Slowdive - Souvlaki

    [​IMG]

    Souvlaki: wikipedia entry

    Download: Slowdive on eMusic

    Slowdive: A Fan's MySpace


    Zelienople - Stone Academy

    [​IMG]

    Zelienople: MySpace

    Deep Water Acres: Zelienople interview

    Purchase: Mp3 release


    Arthur Russell - Love Is Overtaking Me

    [​IMG]

    Download: Arthur Russell on eMusic

    Further reading: somethingexcellent.com
  26. Statto

    Statto
    8,548 posts
    Since Jul 8, 2002
    boh :smil:
  27. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    [​IMG]
    Artwork credits: cordani @ est00.com

    Download

    "Sink Or Swim" is Episode 1 of "Stories Of Solace In Miniature". It will be represented with regular "15 Minutes Of Fame" instalments. Episode 1 is dedicated to psychosis prevention. On the basis that psychosis can "lead to changes in mood and thinking and to abnormal ideas", as the EPPIC (Early Psychosis Prevention and Intervention Centre) factsheet says, I chose works that used repetition which fluctuates depending on the mood - deep moods, for comedown, elation (one of the better side effects of psychosis) and anxiety management.

    I experienced my first episode last summer, and believe that as a sufferer of the condition, it would be ideal for me to give a lowdown. Fennesz' "Grey Scale" commences the sequence, a guitar track that the listener can use to calm oneself before the closing feedback storm of this episode; working to lull when played on repeat, or consecutively with louder files. In psychosis, it is possible that a person can see, hear, feel, smell or taste something that is not actually there. Establishing stable ground is therefore a prerequisite. "Grey Scale" works to solidify the melancholic deflections made.

    Vic Chesnutt's "Over" is the joining muscle from the "confused thinking" to "changed feelings" section of the psychosis factsheet, and the link to guitar-meets-vocal prevalent throughout the mix. With his deeply personal lyrics, Vic comments "It ain't over 'til its over, just like some joker said". When incapacitated, I transisted a broad range of self-doubt and fragmented thoughts - flying into one another. Everyday living became confused, and my anxiety felt very uncomfortable.

    Sometimes I would have a thought like "you were most likely to bleed to death in an alleyway" from Busdriver's "Memoirs Of The Elephant Man"; an album big on personality analysis. This would speed up, slow down, then collide or run around surplus threads of thoughts; circling relentlessly - as if to probe myself of all defences. Many a day these patterns would enshroud subjects and turn themselves into a negative mush. For example, recalling a look behind myself in all the worst cases ("I've glanced at someone wrong"; "I shouldn't have observed for that long") as opposed to ending as it happened. As mentioned by EPPIC, "a person may have difficulty concentrating, following a conversation or remembering things". With "Over" setting the scene vocal wise, we get to learn that "It sucks when it's over, and you can't get it back" / "Why do we all want to, like a pack of necrophiliacs". Vic transforms his songwriting into a powerful tool for self-restraint, dampening of emotions and moodswings upheaval. It's taken from "North Star Deserter", an incredible collection of songs, recorded with, amongst others, Efrim from A SIlver Mount Zion.

    "Friendly With The Father" is, comparatively, a call to respecting what our closest family has to say. When at my most psychotic, I could act very frustrated, often going off on tangents, where I was half sure my family were conspiring against me. With realism being the key factor on many fronts, and my close family representing the "real" utmost, it remains a very difficult line to walk - of not putting trust into them. Not only does it go against my wishes to mistrust, I was gauging what suspicions were expressed myself, rather than relying on the benefactor of my inadvertently delusional mental state - my parents. Granted, some suspicions were likely to become implausible over time. Especially one's where thinking danger or destruction could rear its head. I can recall several occasions where I uttered thoughts that people were coming to trash the house, or be hostile towards me. Hell, even the worry that the woman I would have liked a relationship with was on the brink of suicide, or ready to turn up on my doorstep.

    An important marker in my own memory is "are these suspicions realistic enough to warrant the medium of speech?" Then, greater clarity for anyone involved could transpire more accurately. But in the midst of the strongest beliefs, it was a real test on my loved ones. As the song goes, "And you serve a taking" / "When it's up" / "The littlest thing is often fortified" / "And triggered shaky". My moods swung in such tradition. One particular highlight of the psychosis was belief that my father (who, to paraphrase, I have always been friendly with) and sister (slight sibling friction at points, but nothing substansial) were biting at me with banter that concerned our pet dogs, Mutley (seeing my web pseudonym as such) and Tara. Anything from trivial jokes to the dog ("pig dog" / "slimy") to playing the D key on a guitar (from an older webzine project, D was an emblem for "danger in the air"). And so I would question them on matters like this, or believe that there were people turning up that I wasn't made aware of on purpose. Things like this stuck out sharper in the earlier stages, for someone who's detachment, and inner torment does not easily cease.

    The following writing comes from a study inspired by practice in "Overcoming Paranoid And Suspicious Thoughts" by Daniel Freeman, Jason Freeman and Phillipa Garety. Headed "Tangential reasoning fragility", it was caused by my mind "associating visuals based on much interpretation".


    Mental conflicts occur occasionally over outside matter (e.g an ice cream van's theme tune, gardening work that has growth related to its properties, such as a strawberry plant coming to fruition). Words and older conversations that concerned the relationship breakdown: etymologically linked threads of information, such as headlights of cars, media interspersed in my path (books, placements, ideological bonds from them), or by intermissions which are broadcasting to a larger number of people (radio at work, televisual links, advertising juxtapositions)...everything is not taken for granted, and the results can be quite painful. Such movements I believe can act as undercurrents for daily emotions, whereby suspicious thoughts peak at ideas of constant, multifaceted monitoring. The ice cream truck - seeing as the song played touches, as I'm aware, on a questioning-of-clause, sociological approximation ("Yankee doodle came to town riding on a pony" / "He stuck a feather in his hat and called It macaroni"), it can lead me into thinking that there is nearby recording of my whereabouts.

    Another medium in late June has been postal supplements. My thoughts contain the ideation of testing, via indirect methods, from past personalities, as to whether "free" (general marketing offers) are to pique my interest (we have received three postcards from The Art Fund). When I had my last counselling session, this was an exercise implemented to aid circumstansial discrimination. I interlinked a textured facial image with a darkened, seemingly enclosed space, the word "solemn", then finally, a curved footpath circling a stony wall: palm trees positioned overhead of a wooden door, decorated forefrontal, with plant pots at ground height. Included in the package was a prospectus titled "Your future, in your hands" and pictures by three artists: one a naked figure, the second a watery landscape, third a mother and daughter in a forest.

    How I'd like to react, is of course with balance - holding validity as a bright torch. In practice however, resulting behaviour can turn overwhelming, and scatterbrained. Being told you are mentally ill, does not qualify a deduction of analytical thought - especially when I am fearing for the safety of my parents and sister. In any case, the collective sanity quota is of worry, too, forever emotions of empathy existing in the heart. Key issues should not always be forgone conclusions for this either - if that were the case, tolerance of anyone could have snapped under excessive strain by now. These patterns (cast as delusional, hallucinatory or just plain raw) are a by-product of the psychosis, I do understand; just as we strive for peaceful resolutions, though, our indecision, clarity and stability are factors shared by everyone.

    There are ways, through all this heat, I could ascertain calm mindstates. It is surely to walk with caution, but to not be blinded by our own science. In certain scenarios, dimensions of regular language are associative, to my mind; playing off integrated counterpoints in my sentimentality and reminisence. Aligned is my knowledge of how outside influence, presupposes domino effects, bleeding into the family characteristic - and if not, steps back instead of forward - me asserting the required capacity for PC interaction; necessitating trust of self, over degradation of self-esteem.



    So it's safe to say exaggeration was most definitely possible - once as a by-product of self-validation (my thoughts and concerns resulting); second towards my family (worries for them); third, the collective existence of those known and unknown (how instigated I could be unaware or subconscious), and in general, a continuous ambiguity which as it stretched further than minutes, would add more and more erronous judgements into the equation. Therefore it's good to understand there is warmth and protection from those nearest and dearest to us; as provoked by the repeated chorus: "Into the shade / "The songs that they sang you" / "Back underground" / "The house that they built you". "Friendly With The Father" is one of the more lyrically coherent tracks from Zelienople, and perfect for this inclusion.

    I recommend EPPIC's "How can I help someone with psychosis?" factsheet for explaining where one can get help, and how we should relate to a person who is ill. To put it as written: "Be yourself. Gain information and understand that the person may be behaving and talking differently due to the psychotic symptoms. Understand that psychotic symptoms are stressful for everyone and that you may have a range of feelings - shock, fear, sadness, anger, frustration, despair. Talking with other people will help you deal with these feelings. Believe the person will recover - even if it takes some time. Be patient." Personally, ambiguous events are the mainstay of what I've had to tackle - step by step - piece by peace. By track four - Leafcutter John's "Seba" - we are treading near to rhetoric on first episode psychosis.

    EPPIC notes: "People experiencing a first episode may not understand what is happening." I can attest that - it wasn't until my relationship buckled in May of last year that I sought greater help than a counsellor to compact my problems. I was diagnosed with biploar disorder to start with. This was alternated with 'biploar depression'. Whichever, "The symptoms can be highly disturbing and unfamiliar, leaving the person confused and distressed. Unfortunately negative myths and stereotypes about mental illness and psychosis in particular are still common in the community." Knowing this, I selected "Seba" for its familiarity qualities - a strong set of hooks: "Slow down, you're always swimming way too fast" / "And if you drown, you're never ever going to last" / "Let me go, where I will and where I do" / "Let me swim, far below into you" - a refracted theme of adoration and accepted modes: "Your eyes are black, snake skin" / You push me out, just to pull me in, closer to you" - and most importantly, tender love and care in its build. This leads me to describe 'acute' psychosis as opposed to 'prodome' psychosis.

    When I was unable to shake off my acute symptoms, I had beliefs like the radio and television were talking to me. Originally I picked up a genesis with radio messages through an incomplete day at work, dated as early June (before I was signed off). A wealth of subject matter = red door - "house of pain" theoretic, multiplied by testing / social experiment parameters; a red cone placed next to the car, moved with consecutive back / forth repetition of various vehicles = total colour co-ordination chaos. Seeing blue cars as untrusting of my movements (like blue forum smilies); larger engines, such as fork-lift trucks and silver trailers viewed with ambidextrous capacity - when paired with smaller vehicles (size worries), and noticed processions. Multiple sounds were active as ensignia patches - e.g drills and their distance, an inhibitive gesture as to touching house areas formed incorrectly, or to overbearing contrivance. Then the knock-on totalling exercises where I would be on the ground floor one minute and revisiting the top floor afterward - imagining visual alterations like an area that was leaking, or bleeding, further, off this transaction of reality / non-reality, inside my own headspace.

    I noted down lists of tracks, gathering names from radio hosts and producers for quite a period. Believing, or perhaps hoping in hindsight, that the woman was trying to contact me. In reading back on my worst hours, I have my family to thank much for guaranteeing I would recover - to Phase 3: Recovery - "In spite of common misperceptions, recovery from a first episode of psychosis is more probable than possible, and with the right help many never experience another psychotic episode." I have the Early Intervention and Crisis teams to praise immensely for computing what occurred during recovery. I see the former still today; their help is greatly appreciated.

    At this time we'll have progressed to the piano sentimentalism of "Roes 9" by Machinefabriek. I've seen various works of his rise and fall on the Boomkat newsletters like stock market shares. This, from "Weeler", a 2CD on Lampse, carries textures that proceed into "Time And Space" by Lou Rhodes and The Cinematic Orchestra. With this sequencing, I was wishing to shape an alternative route to the area of "False beliefs" by EPPIC; "The person is convinced of their delusion that the most logical argument cannot make them change their mind". So, whether a listener is in Phase 1: Prodome - Phase 2: Acute to Phase 3: Recovery, we get the optimistic deliveries of "Dream, little boy, dream" / "Dream, little girl, dream" soothing the senses before a potential anxiety crisis. The convergence of styles forms an affective bridge - "In joy and pain, each one will grow" - before we slip into a reservoir of positivity.

    Overflowing with splendour and beautiful dynamics, "Bridget Riley" closes proceedings with flourishes of pertinent noise. As EPPIC writes, "People with psychosis may behave differently from the way they usually do. They may be extremely active or lethargic. They may laugh inappropriately or become angry or upset without apparent cause. Often, changes in behaviour are associated with the symptoms described above". As the final track for Episode 1, I listen to "Bridget Riley" as a departure from all wrongdoing; an aleviation that Quetiapine, Risperidone, Citalopram and Olanzapine tablets cannot touch - an oasis for the damaged soul.

    On the above medication prescribed, I have lived in situationism with my surroundings. By this I mean literally everything was discerned to alarming degrees, and strategies to cope were developed, notwithstanding investigations into what my parents were buying, see also my details on family conspiring. For instance, I couldn't eat "Pink Lady" apples because of the association with women. Until we bought newer apples I would dodge eating this in favour of food that was etymologically sound. Everything from lemon and herb (herb being American slang for a fool / short-sighted) fish portions to chicken (thighs, whole or kebab) would impact on my days lived - thinking I was being cast as a chicken for staying with my folks (the woman and her friends had my home address and mobile number). Items moved in the household were analysed for potential of setting up sensory attacks - e.g a "look braver than you are" fridge sticker was something to watch for if it was directed at my mother.

    The first drug (Quetiapine) was given to me as a mood stabiliser. It came off a reference to bipolar disorder in my family. Incidentally, the term psychosis actually covers a number of psychiatric conditions, including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. People with these illnesses sometimes experience very powerful paranoia. They can have strong beliefs that others don't share (known as delusions). They can hear voices when no-one is around, and see and feel things that people around them don't see or feel (hallucinations). Often the voices that people hear are very critical.

    Conforming to this severity, the treatment quite probably helped with the psychotic symptoms, and it is necessary for me to remember that I was originally barred from internet activity, which made my behaviour turn partially helpless - I was unable to reconcile things on a singular level, yet responsibility was mine, regarding how I started out. Sleep was heightened, perhaps because my brain turned burnt to a crisp. Later, I had an errand of suicidal thinking where I had upset my family as well as me. As before, though, I am very thankful to my parents for their precautionary measures. In the early days I relocated to my parent's house, and was in belief I could be filmed as part of a fly-on-the-wall documentary. This would show how lacking I was in other areas, so I thought. It took me back to words by the woman when asked if she wanted to work on the relationship - "make me think that at the end of the day, some great reward will be coming my way". At this point I was looking to be an even better person, so left replying to her for around a week. In hindsight I wish I had nipped things in the bud there and then. Nevertheless, I wouldn't have this story to tell you if things had worked out.

    There are somewhere between half a million and a million people who have been diagnosed as suffering from psychosis in the UK. And persecutory thoughts don't just occur out of the blue. They are our attempts to make sense of our experiences. They are our explanations of the world around us and the way we feel inside. If you believe someone is suffering, and you have no-one external to contact, I will be happy to talk through ways of coping with the condition. In any case, I hope "Sink Or Swim" will be enjoyable, whether you're underneath the radar, partaking in cognitive behavioural therapy or further interested in the field.


    Related links:

    EPPIC's "What is psychosis" factsheet

    EPPIC's "How can I help someone with psychosis?" factsheet

    Psychosis Sucks: website

    Mixed in Cubase SX 3.
    Any feedback much appreciated. :smil:
  28. Statto

    Statto
    8,548 posts
    Since Jul 8, 2002
    proper post there :thumbup:

    and some nice tunes too :smoke:
  29. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    From www.hydrogencafe.blogspot.com

    [02] nrvnet - Absolute Motion

    [​IMG]


    Download: MP3

    Download: Art & Mix Score
  30. Muttley

    Muttley
    12,567 posts
    Since Oct 24, 2004
    [​IMG]
    Artwork credits: cordani @ est00.com

    Download

    "Swallow Your Words" is Episode 2 of "Stories Of Solace In Miniature". It's dedicated to anxiety reduction. On the basis of a publicised quote from "Overcoming Paranoid And Suspicious Thoughts", the outcome of me writing this may be ubiquitous. What I aim to ensure is that those reading don't make the same mistakes as I did. As the book writes, "The effort involved in explaining your fears to another person can mean that you're expressing those anxieties more fully than you've done before. You also get to hear them out loud. Instead of a jumble of thoughts rattling round your brain, you're presented with some clearer statements to the problem. All this helps give you some perspective on your worries and makes it a little easier for you to assess whether they're justified or not".

    The modus operandi of "Stories Of Solace In Miniature" is to be proactive with what thoughts I am shedding, not to put cement on the shoulders of my readers. Simultaneously underlining banality and controversy, "Swallow Your Words" is a symbolic gesture for sucking up air and letting things be. However it also marks as the first port of call to where I contacted one of the woman's friends again. Within the confines of the recording I am able to rehearse what swallowing my words does for expressing fear, loneliness and longing for acceptance through tracks. These qualities I wished for improvement in repairing of the relationship; a shame things went awry before it was resolved. I turn my shoulder to the past and mull over when I lost the woman's friendship. One of her friends was left to do the dirty work of telling me in no uncertain terms to "F### right off" as I booked a flight to their city, calling me a freak, a stalker, and saying I should get professional help in his opinion.

    What can I say. The travel itinerary I sent her was out of strict trust for her position, thinking it would be a certifier for heartfelt words I poured from Christmas to when, in May, it disintegrated out of dual ignorance - she wasn't inclined to talk to me - and I was inclined to make things work with her. It wouldn't be so bad if I was told in concrete form to stop messaging. Instead I was strung along until, finally, straw broke the camels back. Them having my address and mobile number also contributed to the paranoid and suspicious thoughts I am still encountering. But out of battle-weariness comes maturing, and I am ever thankful for the lessons I have learned.

    Starting the file is the heinous "Tippy's Demise" by Stars Of The Lid, a drone piece designed to bring out the demons and wipe them over with the soap of kings. Matched up with "Opening Titles" by The Cinematic Orchestra, the second part of the track undergoes submergence by a rising string-based wash. From then on, "Borderlands" by Tim Hecker represents a travelling to the outer reaches of the psyche. Taken from "An Imaginary Country", the melodies swell like that of a rough panic attack. Being on wavelength in construction and placement, a silence is added as a cadence to punctuate this change.

    In doing so the progression is liable to work like a breathing exercise. I have obtained several exercises to practice over the course of my problems, but the standout one I have to include here is: "Square Breathing".

    1. Get into a comfortable position, ensure you have an open posture.
    2. Imagine a box in your mind.
    3. Take a breath for a count of three and imagine that you pass the top side of the box.
    4. As you imagine yourself to pass the first side of the box, hold your breath for a count of three.
    5. As you imagine yourself to pass the bottom side of the box, breathe out for a count of three.
    6. As you imagine passing the last side of the box, hold your breath for a further count of three.
    7. Try to repeat this a couple of times and practice.

    I tried to select music for "Swallow Your Words" that encapsulated broody behaviour. Expelling it positively is the subsequent logical step. While listening to "Swallow Your Words" for the first three pieces, you can grab the bull by the horns and attempt such an exercise. In stark contrast, "The Secret Place" by The Daysleepers is letting us depart and retreat, each pause in percussion pregnant with foreboding warmth. "Come on let's leave this place / We disappear without a trace / Vanish into the air / You cannot find us anywhere". In recovery I mark lying down to rest as a tool for galvanising my mind. Then comes a favourite by Supertramp: the epic "Rudy". We are invited by gentle piano, and ballad-tempo singing, to hear of his unlucky fortunes and rhetoric as to change: "You'd better gain control now / You'd better show 'em all now / You'd better make or break now / You'd better give and take now".

    When I was growing up I used to listen to "Rudy" as a recital of what my fortunes were. It's a little known fact that I was once a full contact kickboxer. I trained three nights a week, my focus solely instilled to increasing my skills and precision. I quit the gym when I was eighteen years old but remember much from the period where, from 13 up to the final day, I would train with solemn moods imbued by optimism for my fate as an individual. Those days are long behind me, thankfully, although I am now back training after a three year break. When I retrace my footing, the palpatations in rhythm could be responsible for my paradigms in anxiety today. When you partake in eight mile runs, intense sparring classes and sustained aerobics, there is little room for conservatism. Training would accelarate from three months notice to a peak of fitness.

    My last planned fight was the worst to take, only because it never happened. I failed the medical examination due to very low blood pressure, and in truth I was relieved, because I couldn't face it. I realised through three months of the hardest training I'd ever done that fighting was not for me. Luckily for my opponent there was a replacement fighter available, but that day I will never forget - the sense of bereavement is etched into my skull. What I felt after my fight was cancelled were suicidal thoughts; like everything I lived for was my status in kickboxing. I bled tears, worsened by fears of being chastised by clubmates and aquaintances, their perceptions focused on where I would fight again, and my gradually mellowing attitude to gym practice.

    Looking back today, I put so many eggs in that basket. I was happier assisting - being on the fringes at shows, taking gloves to dressing rooms, cheering on my fellow clubmates - a passive aggregator of emotions and experiences. It's what I work with as a writer come promotional thickening agent. Similarly, where I watched the woman's MySpace page for updates of mood and songs played, there was no reason for dictatorial persuasion. However I lost my mind over it, running up to my parents house when something as small as a keyword change to a media head case (Britney Spears) came to the fore of my vision. Then came "destiny unfolded, I watched it slip away" by Joy Division. Searching for the song's history, its association with suicide set me reeling, whereby I was convinced the woman was in a really bad way; me wondering if I could help via continued contact. How foolish I was to think she was really interested.

    "If spring can take the snow away, can it melt away all our mistakes?" asks Kanye West in "Coldest Winter". True, every tune in "Swallow Your Words" was discovered in the winter season. Like "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie", there is a metanarrative at work here, increasingly aligned with mental health methodolgy by there being five different vocalists in the file. They chat to the listener like a counsellor would to a patient. In boundless desire for the best outcome, I would add tracks to my recorded media playlists as reactionary pledges or pitches to the woman. For example, she replied to my "Built Then Burnt" (A Silver Mount Zion) lyrics with "memories may last for years but names are just for souvenirs", from "Some Kind Of Stranger", by the Sisters Of Mercy. "Goodbye my friend, I won't ever love again" is the final message we receive from Kanye. I don't know whether I will invest so much emotionally in an online relationship ever again, that's for certain. Like a narrow pipe filling slowly, but inexorably with sludge, I understood the virtue of moderation, but abused it with obsession.

    When driven by my compulsions, I would find it very difficult to make snap decisions. Anxiety grabbed hold of me, forcing my mind to tackle the here and now, minus the concrete evidence of "here because". Like a lorry switching lanes, the trigger for self-analytical behaviour is cumbersomely manoeuvred from point a to b; horrible panicky periods that manifest like the look of a stranger towards a pining child. One day I attempted to visit my house, with my mother taking our dogs for a walk. I got stuck where the radio was playing "Moving" by Supergrass, and had a panic attack heading out to meet her. The lyrics of aforementioned track, "Stop wasting my time" refracted from the prism of words I received from the friend who warned me off. While this was happening I noted a red trailer truck with two planks of wood in the storage bay. A young couple had a small tiff in the intermittence of the trip, me thinking this was literally a "film trailer construct" that would depict a future sequence of events between me, the woman and her friends if they came to visit.

    Faces I saw (in cars, or on foot) moulded into different guises, guises of people I thought were conspiring to afflict my progress. The trouble within is not knowing how to express that affliction in common terms. Whereby everyone's positioning in thought would bounce fast off each other, me overstimulated as to reply anxiously, feeling like I'm going to scream, but all that comes out was "I need help." That's difficult to counteract when the words for what I'm feeling don't seem to exist. Other times I would have thoughts running as rhythmic integers while talks were had. For example this files' "The Secret Place" by The Daysleepers ("I can't go back to life as it was" the pacifier) was patched together in small chunks when a chat with my parents regarding work, or a lack thereof - due to illness - was initiated. This area of conduct is hard to describe, so I can respond with an excerpt from my July diary;

    "It of course makes me question left and right of validity, though not always as I'd like - through questioning strangers out of social context; this is a level I haven't reached - and sometimes I'm unable to - those in and out of cars, on their slower / faster routes. Like tonight, a fully subconscious affair that draws on a) piecing together faces, when faces aren't the same, b) juggling emotional stability, with subsequent following compulsions, to c) evaluating space and time coherently in whichever road to a solution we walk, then d) applying enough tact and re-acknowledgement that none of these sightings could be correct, to e) re-ordering our constructs, sense and optimism for re-integrating into the internet fold. An important factor / dividing concept is treating emotions arbitrary from computer contact - for a short while - or at least until enough composure is regained for the most positive resolutions available to the changes (private / non-private). All could be science fiction if I find contradictory information when able to return online".

    June 2008: "Anxiety, raw emotions, and a disfigured, prediction-and-plan lifestyle change accomodates more worry. My fault alone, for I have struggled to rectify my doubts, especially when feeling so far away from normality. It's also necessary for me to say that, seeing as connections with my status, three to four months ago have shifted, a metamorphosis of unpredictable outcomes could have sprouted, perhaps all down to others not having indisputable truth that I had compassion for them, or that I would return, or furthermore, how friendships online could have disappeared altogether. I have faith in those people I spoke of, a lot of faith for good; all that stops disclosure now, is time to heal under supervision. I write with no wishes for aggrandised entitlements, and that, through all my suspicious thoughts, unstable moods and sombre hours, I know there is light waiting, in whatever consistency we progress to - as long as honesty and integrity stays inside".

    This was written to eradicate the speculatory and detrimental; a distillation of the essence from my lengthy notes. Instead of a hallucination where I could see things that weren't there, it was as if every aspect of the stasis was enlarged, and me watching others like I was using a giant microscope; picking up small nuances like how their sentence ended, to how long they took to speak again. An unexpectedly complex method in the madness, where any foundations of sense were obscured by temperaments modifying quickly, or communication altering in subject and application. Uniform ordinations are rare, tangled sensory fusions a speciality. Hopefully the antipsychotics will continue to affect me for good. After all, it's why I'm able to write with such honesty of the rocky past life I've had.

    PJ Harvey's voice on "Broken Harp" I treat as the woman's medium. "Can you forgive me? Forgive me, can you?" Followed by: "I tried to learn your language, but fell asleep half undressed, unrecognisable to myself." In the process of watching her I found out she was a swinger, which dampened my spirits when I thought conversing with her was in vain. I put so much into talking with her - she was upheld as special by me, as she listened to the story of a friend with bipolar disorder trying to take her life. She also supported the minimix series I run and where you are downloading this instalment.

    Hence Supertramp's "Crime Of The Century" is the climax among magnitude and order. It's self-effacing of the bad qualities of man: "Who are these men of lust, greed, and glory? Rip off the masks and let's see." It takes me back to middle teenage years and delusions of grandeur - having yourself told that you could be a world champion by the time you're 20, is all very appreciated, but not great when it gives you an inflated ego. The competition I fought were all very challenging, make no mistake. I was the first fighter from their gym to be a junior on the bill of the promotions, and the youngest to have an international contest. I cherish the memories as much as the recordings I have of them. "But thats not right - oh no, whats the story? There's you and there's me / That can't be right." I replayed this song in spades before I engaged in semi-contact bouts, slowly fading the volume when the CD was to change track in ritualistic fashion.

    To paraphrase, it's perhaps criminal that I didn't follow up my message to the woman's friend who shouted me down. I have a document saved that recounts all my sightings and views, dated as May 16th 2008, maybe forever destined for the desktop. So "Swallow Your Words" is indeed an apt title for this time. Me telling an audience of what I've covered up for so long - loss of self-esteem when training, to psychotic behaviour when recovering: it's not easy to present. But in writing this, I feel it will help me, and you the reader develop a better bond. Moreover, if you think ill of me for what I've done, there is space for healthy criticism. I hope you enjoy this trip through the "Stories Of Solace In Miniature" archive.


    Related links:

    Stress And Anxiety: A Self-help guide

    est00.com

    Subvert Central Mastering


    Mixed in Cubase SX 3.
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