Post funny stuff

Off-Topic | Jun 29, 2014

  1. Different Animal

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    8,616 posts
    Since Aug 19, 2012
  2. mkvr, Shaundi, Alert1 and 15 others like this.

    Ad Hominem

    Ad Hominem

    Ad Hominem

    1,238 posts
    Since Feb 4, 2014
    [​IMG]
    mkvr, Shaundi, Alert1 and 15 others like this.
  3. SlfDog, Eyoldaith and DJCriticalMass like this.

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    8,616 posts
    Since Aug 19, 2012
    [​IMG]
    SlfDog, Eyoldaith and DJCriticalMass like this.
  4. cool mr croc likes this.

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    8,616 posts
    Since Aug 19, 2012
    cool mr croc likes this.
  5. serjin, Reez, dahuka and 3 others like this.

    darf-fader 2001 or STFU

    darf-fader

    darf-fader 2001 or STFU

    8,215 posts
    Since Dec 11, 2001
    serjin, Reez, dahuka and 3 others like this.
  6. Arik, Discography, Merikan and 3 others like this.

    random danish person fka wood

    random danish person

    random danish person fka wood

    7,171 posts
    Since Jul 10, 2006
  7. BillyTheClit, Arik, Merikan and 4 others like this.

    random danish person fka wood

    random danish person

    random danish person fka wood

    7,171 posts
    Since Jul 10, 2006
  8. robotone ___________

    robotone

    robotone ___________

    22,655 posts
    Since Apr 12, 2002
  9. jmcee SB2大爷

    jmcee

    jmcee SB2大爷

    12,354 posts
    Since Jan 24, 2002
  10. Different Animal

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    8,616 posts
    Since Aug 19, 2012
    [​IMG]
  11. mundos, Kabal, Alert1 and 4 others like this.

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    8,616 posts
    Since Aug 19, 2012
    [​IMG]
    mundos, Kabal, Alert1 and 4 others like this.
  12. dafkin likes this.

    zakalwe THE BARON OF FADE

    zakalwe

    zakalwe THE BARON OF FADE

    9,285 posts
    Since Apr 1, 2012
    dafkin likes this.
  13. Different Animal

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    8,616 posts
    Since Aug 19, 2012
    [​IMG]
  14. rikardob Cultured.

    rikardob

    rikardob Cultured.

    17,998 posts
    Since Feb 28, 2005
  15. Gazoo Crescent Fresh

    Gazoo

    Gazoo Crescent Fresh

    2,714 posts
    Since Jul 1, 2010
    A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it
    amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.


    Dear Sir:

    I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored
    to pay my plumber last month.

    By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his
    presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
    to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my
    Social Security check, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place
    for only eight years.

    You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
    and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
    inconvenience caused to your bank.

    My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
    caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

    I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and
    letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,
    overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

    From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
    person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no
    longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed
    personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
    nominate.

    Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person
    to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact
    Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.

    I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
    about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
    Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
    countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
    financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

    In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she
    must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than
    28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
    account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
    the sincerest form of flattery.

    Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press
    buttons as follows:

    1-- To make an appointment to see me

    2-- To query a missing payment.

    3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

    4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

    5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

    6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

    7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer
    is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to
    the Authorized Contact.)

    8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

    9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put
    on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While
    this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play
    for the duration of the call.

    Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
    establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

    May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

    Your Humble Client
  16. Eyoldaith, SlfDog, DJ Innate and 5 others like this.

    robotone ___________

    robotone

    robotone ___________

    22,655 posts
    Since Apr 12, 2002
    What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence ?















    Time to buy a new fence.




    [​IMG]
    Eyoldaith, SlfDog, DJ Innate and 5 others like this.
  17. Different Animal

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    8,616 posts
    Since Aug 19, 2012
    Side-info #122: The guy doing the voice-over did the whole voice work for the first few Need For Speed games in Germany.
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2014
  18. C H R O N I C likes this.

    Paul A. Magnet "A friend to all is a friend to none." (Aristotle)

    Paul A. Magnet

    Paul A. Magnet "A friend to all is a friend to none." (Aristotle)

    4,318 posts
    Since Oct 14, 2007
  19. phat 1, Structure and Paul A. Magnet like this.

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    8,616 posts
    Since Aug 19, 2012
    phat 1, Structure and Paul A. Magnet like this.
  20. mkvr, Innovine, Eyoldaith and 4 others like this.

    Diatonic Part-time Junglist

    Diatonic

    Diatonic Part-time Junglist

    1,400 posts
    Since Apr 4, 2013
    [​IMG]
    mkvr, Innovine, Eyoldaith and 4 others like this.
  21. blaze dis one likes this.

    Tipsy_McStagger

    Tipsy_McStagger

    Tipsy_McStagger

    2,315 posts
    Since May 9, 2012
  22. partn3rzncrim3 trainwreck

    partn3rzncrim3

    partn3rzncrim3 trainwreck

    479 posts
    Since Oct 15, 2006
    What do you call a blind deer?
    No eye-deer
    What do you call a legless blind deer?
    Still no eye-deer
    What do you call a legless, fucking, blind deer?
    Still fucking no eye-deer...
  23. C H R O N I C Morally Abhorrent

    C H R O N I C

    C H R O N I C Morally Abhorrent

    9,812 posts
    Since Oct 6, 2004
    fun·ny
    ˈfənē/
    adjective
    1. causing laughter or amusement; humorous.
      "a funny story"

    dis·turb·ing
    disˈtərbiNG/
    adjective
    1. causing anxiety; worrying.
      "disturbing unemployment figures"
  24. partn3rzncrim3 trainwreck

    partn3rzncrim3

    partn3rzncrim3 trainwreck

    479 posts
    Since Oct 15, 2006
    119577140612.png l_2fae029784c9728150010bc5f45cf357.jpg Oldies but goodies!
  25. Aqua4 Trippin'

    Aqua4

    Aqua4 Trippin'

    1,091 posts
    Since Jun 11, 2014
  26. Rezika 2.0 Future raver Planet saver

    Rezika 2.0

    Rezika 2.0 Future raver Planet saver

    1,646 posts
    Since Jul 28, 2011
  27. Transient Energy and Lucif3rX166 like this.

    Gazoo Crescent Fresh

    Gazoo

    Gazoo Crescent Fresh

    2,714 posts
    Since Jul 1, 2010
    Christmas cake recipe

    Ingredients:
    1 cup of water
    1 tsp baking soda
    1 cup of sugar
    1 tsp salt
    1 cup of brown sugar
    lemon juice
    4 large eggs
    lots of nuts
    1 bottle vodka
    2 cups of dried fruit

    Sample the vodka to check quality.
    Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
    Repeat.
    Turn on the electric mixer.

    Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
    Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

    At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.
    Try another cup... jutht in cathe.

    Turn off the mixerer.
    Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
    Pick fruit off floor.
    If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.
    Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
    Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a shit.
    Check the vodka.
    Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
    Add one table.
    Greash the oven and fall in the fridge.
    Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
    Don't forget to beat off the turner.
    Throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.
    Find the couch.

    CHERRY MISTMAS!
    Transient Energy and Lucif3rX166 like this.
  28. Shaundi, Eyoldaith, Arik and 7 others like this.

    illatron

    illatron

    illatron

    5,650 posts
    Since Nov 27, 2004
  29. stemface and Alert1 like this.

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    Different Animal

    8,616 posts
    Since Aug 19, 2012
    stemface and Alert1 like this.
  30. daveill שּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁ

    daveill

    daveill שּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁשּׁ

    9,216 posts
    Since Apr 3, 2002
Off-Topic