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Off-Topic | Jun 29, 2014
Scared boy trying to say happy birthday.Watch this video on YouTube
Crow smokes a jointWatch this video on YouTube
The Power Embrace | Tim and Eric Awesome Show,...Watch this video on YouTube
Naked man turns himself into a haybale - Hilarity...Watch this video on YouTube
On the Hour - S1E4Watch this video on YouTube
Never gets old
i only have time for the classics these days
Forklift Driver Klaus English SubtitlesWatch this video on YouTube
Pokémon Dubstep Remix - Lindsey Stirling...Watch this video on YouTube
How they didn't see that Pokimans at 0:47 is beyond me.
A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it
amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored
to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his
presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my
Social Security check, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place
for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and
letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,
overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no
longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person
to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact
Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she
must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than
28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press
buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer
is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to
the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put
on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While
this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play
for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence ?
Time to buy a new fence.
Side-info #122: The guy doing the voice-over did the whole voice work for the first few Need For Speed games in Germany.
husky meets a cat хаски знакомится с кошкойWatch this video on YouTube
What do you call a blind deer?
What do you call a legless blind deer?
Still no eye-deer
What do you call a legless, fucking, blind deer?
Still fucking no eye-deer...
causing laughter or amusement; humorous.
"a funny story"
causing anxiety; worrying.
"disturbing unemployment figures"
Oldies but goodies!
Такежан - Казахская задорнаяWatch this video on YouTube# Kazakhstan rave.
"Nice Beaver" - The Naked GunWatch this video on YouTube
Christmas cake recipe
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
lots of nuts
1 bottle vodka
2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.
Try another cup... jutht in cathe.
Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.
Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a shit.
Check the vodka.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Greash the oven and fall in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.
Find the couch.
Anchorman: Glass Case of EmotionWatch this video on YouTube
Watch this video on YouTube